The great philosopher Luda once asked, “What’s your fantasy?” The year was 1999, and while I couldn’t imagine doing it “at the library on top of books” (too sacred a space) or even “in the back seat, windows up,” I did have other ideas.
My core fantasy was inspired by this one scene in The Craft, where a horned-out, spellbound Chris (Skeet Skeet) chases Sarah (Robin Tunney) into the woods, forcing himself on her before she ostensibly kicks him in the nuts and runs away. I was 10 when the movie came out, and severely lacked the context necessary to realize this was less of a hot “sex” scene and more of an attempted rape scene. But I loved that Sarah used magic to make Chris want her; I loved how repulsed she was by his subsequent thirst levels; I loved the pathetic and desperate Chris, trying so hard and still not getting his dick wet.
I just watched the clip again — 19 years later, it does nothing for me. In fact, I hadn’t thought about it in years until I started having conversations with other women about their fantasies — conversations that women like Nikki Glaser are bringing out into the open. Her new show on Comedy Central, Not Safe with Nikki Glaser, is about taking pride in whatever turns you on and gets you off. Who cares if it gets awkward? We’re all just getting ours.
But we can’t embrace and laugh at all that weirdness if we think we’re alone in our imperfect sex lives. Talking to a handful of friends made me realize how little I knew about the inner sex lives of other women and how valuable — and rare — it is for women to share their sexual desires and experiences with one another. Some of our convos were about fantasies I’d never even considered, while other women had none to speak of. All valid! And all worthy of discussion. Male fantasies dominate porn, the media, and life, but what about the women? What of us? That’s what drives Not Safe with Nikki Glaser, and it’s also the question behind this collection of seven women’s fantasies (names have been changed to protect the fantasizer).
OK, so now we all know mine. But I was curious about other women’s (sometimes formative) sexual origin stories:
“My first fantasy was about being tied up. It was when I saw Peter Pan, the animated version, and they tied Wendy onto the pirate ship and she was trying to get free. I remember thinking that was really hot. Like during recess at school, I wanted to play ‘get tied up.’ That was so exciting to me.” — Jess, 30
“My first sexual fantasy was about the mailman. Not even my actual mailman, but just like a hot mailman who I imagined taking me in the back of the mail truck and really giving it to me.” — Michelle, 28
“I was best friends with this guy in third grade, and I didn’t even know what sex was yet, but he gave me his school portrait and I put it on my pillow and humped a stuffed animal (the original sex toy). My fantasy was, I was laying on this bean bag we had in our classroom, and he tripped and fell on top of me, and then we rubbed our bodies together. I didn’t even know what penetration was, but I knew that whatever turned me on involved two bodies rubbing on each other.” — Amy, 28
There comes a point in our sexual lives where we attempt to execute our more attainable fantasies. Sometimes it works out:
“My first significant fantasy was about being with a woman. It was something I thought about for a really long time. A couple years ago, I met this woman at a pool party, and there was that instant attraction, and we dated very briefly for a few weeks. We had sex and it was good! What was surprising for me is that I was really good at going down on her. I just knew what to do. It was weird because I’d obviously never done it before — but I’d had dreams about doing it. I watch lesbian porn and have a vagina so I guess I just knew how it worked? I don’t know, but I was a real natural.” — Sophie, 30
And sometimes, not so much:
“In my last relationship, we did a teacher-student thing. [My boyfriend] bought me little skirts and pushup bras and high socks, and I would wear pigtails and he would spank me. I’d had that fantasy for a long time, and I was excited to try it. But then it became the only thing he was into. So for four years all we did was dominant, submissive, teacher-student stuff. It was always like we were having sex for the first time, and he was teaching me how to do it ... I played along because I was 22 and it was fun and I was living out this fantasy. But two years later I said, ‘I want to try something else, I want to have sex where we’re ourselves and we look at each other,’ and he was like, ‘I’m not into that.’ I think I had that submissive fantasy for so long because I couldn’t own my sexuality — I needed someone else to own it for me. And now that I’m owning it, [being submissive] doesn’t turn me on anymore.” — Anna, 28
A fantasy that stays a fantasy can’t disappoint:
“Have you seen The Source? It’s a documentary about this cult in the ‘70s in LA headed by this guy named Father Yod: He’s like an older, hot, Santa Claus cult-leader guy. I’ve had multiple masturbation sessions where I pretend that I’m fucking him. Or I’ll pretend that it’s his spirit fucking me, because he’s dead. I guess it’s because he’s a leader. It’s being dominated by someone in control, and he’s hot — he’s just, like, the whole package.” — Michelle, 30
“I fantasize about being watched. I’m not sure by who, and I definitely don’t mean in a sex-tape sort of way. I mean, like, someone sitting in the corner watching me fuck someone else. My boyfriend used to have this floor-to-ceiling mirror in his bedroom and I would watch us sometimes and think, ‘Someone else should be here to enjoy this, too.’” — Audrey, 32
Circling back to Luda: What’s your fantasy? Bondage? Swinging? Sex with an imaginary postal worker? (Or better yet, a real postal worker?) If you went through with it, were you pleased with the results? Or did you revert to a slightly more vanilla version of your sex life? Live your truth in the comments (we’ll be showcasing the best shares in a comment roundup) and catch Not Safe with Nikki Glaser for more frank discussions about sex — Tuesdays at 10:30/9:30c on Comedy Central, or at any time on the CC app.
Illustration by Alex Cannon.