There's nothing quite like the promise of a Friday night at the bar. The hope! The possibility! The chance you'll finally meet someone who won't make fun of your Harry Potter collectibles. Which is probably why there's nothing more disappointing than a bar night gone wrong — a night that takes all that hope, possibility, and chance, smashes them into a million tiny pieces, and pukes those pieces into someone's cute purse.
But from the ashes of an awful evening out, we get awesome stories. And when we share them with each other — like the 10 singles having the best-slash-worst night ever on ABC's new comedy Mixology — we get to laugh at things that felt horrible while they were happening. I want to hear about your worst evening out ever, but first: a few popular categories to jog your repressed memories.
Did you vomit on the floor? Did you vomit on the door? Did you vomit in a box? Did you vomit with a fox? Did you vomit into someone's purse? Did you feel in that moment that you were the worst?
Bonus points if you were the stone-cold sober victim of spewing.
Much like a traffic jam when you're already late, these particular bar night horrors aren't actually ironic — but they do have a special sting to them. Like hitting the bar after having the worst day ever and finding that the first friendly person you meet is engaged. Or worse, being engaged and finding that a drunk depressed stranger is actually way more appealing than your actual fiancé. It's almost like life is mocking you. Isn't it sardonic? Don't ya think?
The Kris Kross occurs when you think you're doing your wingperson duty and "taking one for the team" by going off with someone's unappealing companion, only to discover that you're the unappealing companion. It's kind of enough to make you want to jump, jump (off a pier).
Since truth is always stranger than fiction, surely your real-life bar disappointments are much more depressing than these Mixology-inspired mishaps. Share your worst night out at the bar in the comments and let the beer-soaked one-upmanship begin.
And don't forget to tune in to ABC's Mixology this Wednesday at 9:30 / 8:30c.
Gabrielle Moss has written mostly funny stuff (but also some serious stuff) for GQ.com, The Hairpin, Nerve, etc. You can follow her here.