https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MagBRd…

Going to a bar is basically like entering another world. None of the normal customs that govern society — like not making out with strangers, not hitting the bathroom in groups of ten, or not lying about having been Urkel's stunt double in order to score some free drinks — apply. Time seems to function at a different speed, and everyone is drinking magical juice that makes them feel better about life. It's pretty much Narnia, but with fewer unicorns and more puking.

So why wouldn't a bar have its own language? Tom, Maya, and eight other bar regulars on ABC's new comedy Mixology have developed their own vocabulary for such occasions — words to concisely convey that a friend has gone missing, a weirdo won't take a hint, or a fight about Batman is not actually worth "taking outside." Here are a few you should start using immediately.

Amelia Earhart

noun

A friend who leaves his or her group with the goal of picking someone up is never seen or heard from again.

I thought she was going to talk to that guy by the bathroom, but I haven't seen Amelia Earhart for 45 minutes. She must have gone to that old-timey cocktail bar next door — she's always had a weakness for those pointy waxed mustaches.

Bargression

noun

An infringement or violation of the laws of the bar e.g. under-tipping, not tipping at all, fighting, thinking that the bartender is "into" you and aggressively hitting on them, etc.

Please, he's not usually the kind of guy to threaten someone with physical harm over their opinion of Kid Rock. He's just experiencing some Jager-induced bargression. If you just leave this alone, I swear I'll take him home, feed him some carbs, and get him to bed.

Bargument

noun

An absurd argument that — because you are drunk in a bar — has become the most important thing in the entire world.

If you do not agree that Batman Begins is better than The Dark Night Rises, right here, right now, so help me by the power of Ra's al Ghul I WILL END YOU.

Beaver-Damming

verb

The heterosexual female version of cock-blocking, wherein one girl intentionally obstructs another from getting laid.

Busting out those pictures of your Habitat for Humanity trip when I was just about to leave with that guy is a beaver-damming that I will not soon forget, Erica! Watch your back!

Drink for Elijah

noun

An additional drink ordered to give a person the appearance of not being alone.

I got here like an hour before everyone else and didn't want to look like a loser, so I got a Drink for Elijah — of course, I had to keep taking sips to make it look realistic, so now I am prematurely wasted.

Pac-Manning

verb

The act of physically dodging unwanted attention or advances.

I have been Pac-Manning that 50-year-old in the straw fedora all night, but he keeps sneaking up behind me and inviting me to check out the water bed he has in his van, ugh.

Running the Plates

verb

Getting more intel on a person before taking things a step further e.g. Googling, Facebook stalking, etc.

That girl's hot, but I have to run her plates before we get out of here — my New Year's resolution was to not hook up with any more singles with Pinterest wedding boards.

Sunday Killer

noun

The drink that puts you over the edge, guaranteeing a day-killing hangover.

I always tell myself I'm just gonna be mature and go home after three or four drinks — and yet somehow, every week, I find myself drinking a Sunday Killer or five with some randoms. Maybe I just hate Sundays?

Xanabooth

noun

The perfect booth. Great location, great neighbors, killer view of the entire bar.

More precious than gold or your college English degree, we must hold on to this Xanabooth with everything we have, for it is our only chance to have an awesome time tonight.

Give these barcabulary words a shot this weekend and see if they help you understand situations better, solve problems faster, and get a superior lay (ahem) of the land. And don't forget to tune in to ABC's Mixology every Wednesday at 9:30 / 8:30c.

Gabrielle Moss has written mostly funny stuff (but also some serious stuff) for GQ.com, The Hairpin, Nerve, etc. You can follow her here.

This post is a sponsored collaboration between ABC and Studio@Gawker.